The Golden Years

If You Asked Me Last Year What My Second Year of University Would Be Like, I’d Have Said: “Sick.”

I thought, This is going to be my year to shine—bright and high.

Well... it turned out to be the most boring year of my life.

I realized university life isn’t fair to everyone. People say, “These are your golden years,” but some of us just don’t get to live those golden years.

This new term, I’m determined to change that. I’m planning trips to Ottawa and Montreal with friends, internships, museum visits—things I didn’t get to do last year.

Last year? I did nothing. Literally.

I sat at home or the library and studied when I needed a change. Friends went to Montreal for winter break while I worked at a restaurant to pay rent. I cried almost every night.

I couldn’t accept this as my shining year. I fell into a deep depression, feeling like I was the only one missing out on life.

Scrolling Instagram was the worst. Ski trips, lunches atop the CN Tower, beaches in the Maldives—it was all right there. I know not everyone has the same opportunities, but seeing what I couldn’t have? It hurt.

I think I was jealous. Envious of the life I thought I’d have—and angry that people got to live it without me.

But here’s the thing:

I’m not ready yet. I’m still figuring it out—still trying to understand what my shining years look like, and how to make peace with the parts that don’t sparkle right now.

But sharing this feels like a first step. I am still figuring things out. I am still lost and jealous.